Monday, April 7, 2014

Noble Alexander-Journey to VBA2C

I’m still working on sorting out how I feel.  I don’t regret the decisions I made.  I was supported 100% by everyone I chose to be involved in Noble’s birth, and also by some hospital staff that I didn’t expect to be so supportive.  I believe in my body and myself, and am so proud of what I accomplished while working to bring Noble here.  I ask myself sometimes, “what would have happened if I had continued to push?”  I don’t know the answer to that, and I never will.  Maybe I would have pushed him out with a bit of a dramatic entry, and everything would have been fine.  Maybe I would have pushed him out, with him suffering the consequences of my choice.  I don’t want this story to be dramatic.  Childbirth is safe, natural, and amazing, but sometimes its not.  I believe every woman should educate themselves, and make the best decision with the knowledge that they have.  Also, never second guess a mother’s intuition.  If something really doesn’t feel right then listen to that feeling.  Something didn’t feel right to me.  I made a decision that came with consequences.  Every decision in life does, but I chose the route that felt less risky in the moment for my baby.  A cesarean is a major surgery with major risks, but sometimes they can be necessary.  I feel like I had two unnecessary surgeries that were no ones fault.  I don’t like to play the blame game.  It happened for some reason, and I can’t change it.  In the moment during Noble’s journey to my arms I chose to have a necessary surgery to decrease the risks to an outcome I wasn’t comfortable with.  I’m thankful for the opportunity.  I’m thankful for the amazing support I received.  I’m thankful for my beautiful, strong son.  Last of all, I’m thankful for the strength that I had to do what I did no matter what anyone else’s opinion was.  I followed my heart, and Noble’s birth was empowering.