I’m still working on sorting out how I feel. I don’t regret the decisions I made. I was supported 100% by everyone I chose to be involved in Noble’s birth, and also by some hospital staff that I didn’t expect to be so supportive. I believe in my body and myself, and am so proud of what I accomplished while working to bring Noble here. I ask myself sometimes, “what would have happened if I had continued to push?” I don’t know the answer to that, and I never will. Maybe I would have pushed him out with a bit of a dramatic entry, and everything would have been fine. Maybe I would have pushed him out, with him suffering the consequences of my choice. I don’t want this story to be dramatic. Childbirth is safe, natural, and amazing, but sometimes its not. I believe every woman should educate themselves, and make the best decision with the knowledge that they have. Also, never second guess a mother’s intuition. If something really doesn’t feel right then listen to that feeling. Something didn’t feel right to me. I made a decision that came with consequences. Every decision in life does, but I chose the route that felt less risky in the moment for my baby. A cesarean is a major surgery with major risks, but sometimes they can be necessary. I feel like I had two unnecessary surgeries that were no ones fault. I don’t like to play the blame game. It happened for some reason, and I can’t change it. In the moment during Noble’s journey to my arms I chose to have a necessary surgery to decrease the risks to an outcome I wasn’t comfortable with. I’m thankful for the opportunity. I’m thankful for the amazing support I received. I’m thankful for my beautiful, strong son. Last of all, I’m thankful for the strength that I had to do what I did no matter what anyone else’s opinion was. I followed my heart, and Noble’s birth was empowering.
